Funny Life Quote
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
Jane Wagner
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Unknown
Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
Unknown
Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it.
Unknown
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Oscar Wilde
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Jean-Paul Sartre
An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived.
Herbert Samuel
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat.
Lilly Tomlin
For most men life is a search for the proper manilla envelope in which to get themselves filed.
Clifton Fadiman
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
Brendan Gill
Were it offered to my choice, I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life from its beginning, only asking the advantages authors have in a second edition to correct some faults in the first.
Benjamin Franklin
No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you.
Sholom Aleichem
There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.
Lawrence Welk
You know, it's a long world.
Lawrence Welk
The basic rule of human nature is that powerful people speak slowly and subservient people quickly -- because if they don't speak fast nobody will listen to them.
Michael Caine
Life is like a game of poker: If you don't put any in the pot, there won't be any to take out.
Moms Mabley
It's possible, you can never know, that the universe exists only for me. If so, it's sure going well for me, I must admit.
Bill Gates
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
Will Rogers
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain
Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Mark Twain
Born to be wild - live to outgrow it.
Lao Tzu
Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim
Bertrand Russell
Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim
Bertrand Russell
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
Truman Capote
Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.
Christopher Isherwood
[I]nstead of holding on to the Biblical view that we are made in the image of God, we come to realize that we are made in the image of the monkey[.]
From The Importance of Living (1937) Lin Yutang
The cost of living's going up, and the chance of livin's going down.
Flip Wilson
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER."
Willliam S. Burroughs
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'.
Chris Rock
Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink.
Shunryu Suzuki Roshi
Three score and ten are enough; if a man can't suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb.
Josh Billings (1818 -1885) American humorist and lecturer
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Woody Allen (1935-) American actor, comedian
Life, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) American satirist, journalist, and short-story writer
If you would not be forgotten, as soon as you are dead and rotten; either write things worth reading, or do things worth the writing.
Benjamin Franklin (1706 -1790) American inventor, publisher, statesman
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
Robert Frost (1874-1963) American poet
Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915) American author
Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.
David Letterman (1947-) American talk show host, comedian
Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.
Wilson Mizner (1876 -1933)
Let us endeavor to live, so that when we die, even the undertaker will be sorry.
Mark Twain (1835 -1910) American author and humorist
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain (1835-1910) American humorist, writer