Funny Humorous Saying
"It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner."
Ben Bergor
"Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated."
Garry Trudeau
"Have no fear of perfection--you'll never reach it."
Salvador Dali
"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments."
Jim Morrison
"I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships."
Gilda Radner
"Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you'll be disconnected."
Unknown
"People like you are the reason people like me take pills!"
Neva Faith Linn
"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'"
Unknown
"Anyone seen in a bus over the age of 30 has been a failure in life."
Loelia, Duchess of Westminster
"There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and"
Brad Ramsey
"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"
Mae West
"I don't at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited."
Oscar Wilde
"Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls."
Groucho Marx
"Life was so much easier when your clothes didn't match and boys had cooties!"
Unknown
"Our childhood is what we spend the rest of our lives overcoming."
Amy Bennett
An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.
Willaim Castle
If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me.
Song title by Jimmy Buffet
Man was predestined to have free will.
Hal Lee Luyah
Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
Aldous Huxley
Murphy was an optimist.
O'Toole's Commentary
The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.
Nicholas Chamfort
The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good.
Robert Graves
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
Douglas Adams
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
Today is the last day of some of your life.
Author Unknown
Without geography, you're nowhere.
Author Unknown
It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Author Unknown
You can't have everything... where would you put it?
Steven Wright