Funny Family-guy Quote
Peter, I like you. But I need you to be more than just eye candy around here.
Mr. Weed
Ooh...you're bending it...
Neil to Lois as she straddles him
"Hey Brian! I turned the stairs into a waterslide!"
(after Peter falls down the waterslide) "I'm not going to call an ambulance this time because if I do you won't learn anything."
Peter and Brian
"Please go out with me. I'm just trying to make Neil jealous. I promise I'll pay and everything."
"Yeah...uhh...that sounds cool but I'm gonna be in the hospital that night." (shoots himself in the stomach with a nail gun)
Meg and boy, "8 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter"
Can I...Can I touch your hair? I'm gonna do it...I'm gonna touch it. Ooohoohoo it's like a sheep.
Stewie to Cleveland, "The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire"
My fellow Americans, I have not been entirely truthful with you. I did giggittygiggydoo that girl. I gashmogied her gaflabity with my googus. And I am sorry.
Quagmire, "The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire"
I didn't know there was going to be an open bar, and the guy really knew his stuff! He made me a mojito. I don't think it's a gay drink. Mo-ji-to...
Brian, "Brian the Bachelor"
Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you... very homosexually.
Peter, "Lethal Weapon"
Lois, my penis belongs on stage!
Peter, " The King is Dead"
I'm not gonna kill those kids. If they die I'll have nothing to watch on Wednesdays... other than the fine programs on Fox.
Peter, "Death is a Bitch"
Brian: You got anything on that remote lower than Mute?
Peter: See? They covered the house in Teflon so that nothing sticks to it.
[the family slips and falls to the floor]
Peter: Oh, I probably shouldn't have had them cover the floors in it.
[Stewie skates by]
Stewie: Look at me. I'm nudes on ice.
[Stewie picking his nose.]
Stewie: Do I not disgust you?
Brian: Kid you're looking at someone who uses his tongue to clean his privates.
Chris: Hi, my name is Chris. Mom and dad said that I'm supposed to be on my best behavior tonight and not say "poop". Oh God. What have I done?
UPS Woman: Package for Mr. Glen Quagmire.
Quagmire: Thank you.
[walks inside with it, returns naked]
Quagmire: And I've got a package for you. Oh yeah.
[she maces him]
Quagmire: Heh he. I've developed immunity to that stuff.
Brian: Why don't you shut up for about a week?
Stewie: Very well, what are the stakes if I win?
Brian: I wasn't making a bet. Why don't you just shut up for about a week?
[Peter and Brian have just jumped their car off a flatbed truck like The Dukes of Hazzard]
Peter: Oh, man. That was great. Hey, maybe next time we can get Meg to be Boss Hogg and Chris can be Anus.
Brian: Enis.
Peter: What'd I say?
Brian: Anus.
[Peter laughs hysterically]
Cleveland: Public urination is just wrong. Except during the Million Man March when protestors burned down our porta-potties and I used my stream of justice to put out the hate.
Cleveland: You can stay with us, Meg, I just hope you don't mind that my uncle died in the guest bedroom.
Meg: I guess that's OK.
[opens the bedroom, a dead body is lying on the bed]
Cleveland: We think he died some time between the Tonight Show and the Today Show.