Famous Funny Saying

Famous Funny Saying

Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious
Alan Minter

"the bowler is Holding the batsmens Willey"
Brian Johnston

I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted
George Best

Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country
Ian Rush

"You watch the pitlane while I stop the start watch..."
Murray Walker

"This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria... I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing."
Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator

He's usually a good puller - but he couldn't get it up that time.
Richie Benaud (cricket commentator)

"If at first you don't suceed, pull your foreskin over your head (pronounced heed)"
Old Scottish parable

I never criticise referees and i'm not going to change a habit for that prat.
Ron Atkinson

What will you do when you leave football, Jack, will you stay in football
Stuart Hall, (radio 5 live commentator)

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on"
Samuel Goldwyn.

"What's another word for thesaurus?"
Steven Wright.

"Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me."
G.W. Hegel (philosopher)

"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet."
Mark Twain.

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
Terry Pratchett.

"Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage."
Ambrose Bierce

"I believe in dragons, fairies, good men and other mythical creatures!"
Anon

"You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label."
Mark Twain.

"As God once said, and I think rightly..."
Margaret Thatcher.

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me."
Woody Allen.

"I have nothing to declare except my genius."
Oscar Wilde

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."
Rita Mae Brown.

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
WC Fields.

"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."
Sacha Guitry.

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."
Groucho Marx.

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."
Jimmy Durante.

"I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons."
Douglas Adams."

"Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa?"
Bart Simpson

"Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos."
Homer Simpson

"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman."
Homer Simpson

"Operator! Give me the number for 911!"
Homer Simpson

The definition of a consultant: Someone who borrows your watch, tells you the time and then charges you for the privilege."
Times newspaper

"The first rule of business is: Do other men for they would do you."
Charles Dickens.

"A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth."
Patrick Murray.

"Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer."
Will Rogers.

"The Scottish verdict 'not proven' means 'guilty, but don't do it again'."
Winifred Duke.

"Gentlemen prefer bonds."
Andrew Mellon.

"A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist."
Franklin Jones.

"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."
Spike Milligan.

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher."
Socrates.

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
Charles Lamb.

"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough."
Mario Andretti.

"If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?"
Steven Wright.

Finishing a good book is like leaving a good friend.William Feather

Friends,books,a cheerful heart,and conscience clear.Are the most choice companions we have here.
William Mather

Crazy days and screwed up nights,Tons of crushes and stupid fights,Secrets we'll take to the grave,Pictures we'll forever save,Through thick and thin, always true,Best friends 4ever, me and you.

Could we see when and where we would meet again, we would be more tender when we bid our friends goodbye.Ouida